Friday(273-202-47)

YEA!!!! TGIF This week seemed to fly by fast. I guess when I am sick and have to call in ...it makes the week go faster? LOL

Next week is going to be extremly busy with Mothers day and all. I am allready preparing myself to work on Sat. before. I have not seen the schedule yet but its always better to paln for it then to have it spung upon you.

Thursday(272-201-46)

Up and wide awake this morning. I finally got a good amount of sleep last night.

Should be sort of fun at work today. Matthew is going to work with me for bring your child to work day. He seems pretty excited about it.

The X-files are on their way!!!!! Bought season 1 on the ebay the other day and the payment is now complete. I am so looking forward to getting them.

Wednesday(271-200-45)

I overslept this morning. I think my body is still telling me to take it easy. Normally I am up at 4 but this morning I slept through the alarm and did not wake up till 5:15. I felt like I was in a rush all day.

Tonight is the last night of ccd till fall. Now I get my wednesday night back to myself.

Jeff called again the other night DRUNK off his butt telling me he is sorry bla bla bla. ARGGGGGG Calgon take me AWAY!!!!!

Tuesday(270-199-44)

Feeling much better this morning. I still am a bit sore but I think I can handle it. Sunny was so sweet calling me at home yesterday afternoon making sure I was ok.
I have alot to catch up on this morning. I want to get the jewelry counter looking fairly desent before the buyers come in this morning.

Monday(269-198-43)

I am feeling so much pain this morning. Looks like another round of kidney stones. It woke me up around 3, when I got up to go to work the pain was much worse so I decieded to call in sick. Right after I did that I promptly puked my guts out from the pain. UGGGGggggg

Friday(266-195-40)

I am sure happy its Friday allready. This has been one very busy week. Today is going to the busiest I am the most certain.

Yesterday at work I was suprised with a vist from Raja. I knew that somehow he was going to be contacting me as I had called him twice and did not leave a message. I told him that Kumud had been calling me and that she was coming back into town. He told me that the kids do not want her home. She had her chance almost 10 years ago and now she wants to be a Mom again? I can fully understand how upset the kids are, especailly Jenny.

Thursday(265-194-39)

I woke up this morning early feeling weird. Having pains in my chest. Not my heart but almost like an anxiety attack. I could not catch my breath. I rolled over and tried to fall back asleep but it hurt. I said a prayer and then it felt better so I went to sleep. This morning I am feeling fine...just weird what happened earlier.

Wednesday(264-193-38)

Very long day today. Had to take care of the backroom early this morning as the third shift stocking crew left it a wreck. Then the lady who lost the gold necklace called 3 more times today and then stopped in on her lunch hour. She claims that someone in the store STOLE her necklace, so I had to turn the store upside down to try to find it...to say the least I did not!!!!! Tonight was the last night of "real" class....all in all it seems that I had a pretty good bunch.

Tuesday(263-192-37)cont

Sometimes I think it would of been better if I had never been born. I'm sorry but that is my mental attitude for today. It just seems to be that anything and everything that could of went wrong today DID, and tommorrow does not look like a better day. I wish there was someone I could talk to who would just listen and not judge each and every little thing I am saying.

Tuesday(263-192-37)

I woke up this morning with pain in my left kidney again. Took my temp and I am running a fevor but I think I can make it through the day as long as I have my pain meds with me. I HATE feeling like this. It seems so unfair. But I know that Jesus suffered so much more for me that I can endure this.

Monday(262-191-36)

Fell asleep last night feeling pretty lonely. Thinking about the past etc....wound up having dreams about people getting married and I was singing for their weddings and the whole I was singing for them I was getting sadder and sadder for I knew that I would never be singing for my own wedding.

I am still going to try to keep a positive attitude today. I have alot of work to get done and Mondays FLY by so fast so I will have to stay focused.

Saturday(260-189-34)

Spent last night with the kids. We had a blast. Today Mer and I did some bonding on our own. When we got back Mike and Mer went out and the kids and I made a huge fruit salad for tommorrows party. Matthew was too cute trying as best as he could to be the little grown up and tell me how he wanted the grapes cut up. Well I had better be going....BIG day tommorrow.

Friday(259-188-33)

TGIF Thank goodness Friday is here. It has been a long week. Very busy work wise and not sleeping very well on the home front. Last night again I had strange dreams. This time I drempt that I was being floodded out of my home. Water was coming up all around and I felt I was nearly drowning.

Matthew called yesterday. He was so cute and wanted to know if I could come over and play. I told him I could not at the moment as I was getting ready to go away, so then he said if I could "Make plans" to be his specail date on Friday.....LOL how could I say no to that so I am spending the night there tonight.

Thursday(258-187-32)

Kumud called again early this morning. I feal bad for lying to her telling her that my "boyfriend" was living with me. Now she wants me to take the time and go to Chicago to pick her up from the airport in May. I tried telling her that my car would not make it but she said I could use my boyfriends. I told her that I would ask him but in all likelyhood that is was not doable. I in a way wish she was bothering her family and not me at 2:30 in the morning.

Wednesday(257-186-31)

Up and awake this morning. Slept fairly well. The doctors appointment yesterday did not go as well as I had hoped. I have to go back for more blood work on the 22nd of this month. Lucky me NOT! Oh well as guess life goes on....at least for a little while more. :P

Tuesday(256-185-30)

Went to bed last night feeling sore from the kidney stuff again. I was too tired to get up and take something for it and suprisingly I fell asleep without much trouble. I did have a strange dream though. I cannot recall the details of it but when I woke up this morning I was saying to myself "Now that was wierd"

Monday(255-184-29)

A fairly good night sleep last night. I was half-way expecting to hear from someone but did not. I guess Jeff still needs to grow up a bit.
I talked with Pat yesterday after Mass. She appears to be doing alot better. She invited me to go to lunch with her and the kids but I had allready had plan with the kids.
I've got alot of work ahead of me today. Lets hope I keep a positive attitude.

Sunday(254-183-28)

A letter to Matthew and Emily,

Dear kids,

I love you both so very much and there is so much I want to tell you both. We never know how much time on this earth we are going to have so there is a few things I want to tell you just in case anything should happen.

First to "My Matthew"......Matthew from the moment I met this tiny bundle of baby boy I knew you had captured my heart and would never let it go. You seemed to have such a handle on the world at such a young age. You were always to peacefull and content. I can recall sitting in your room and rocking you and singing to you and you would give me a sleepy smile and say sing "Castle Cloud" one more time. Since I cannot have children on my own your momma and daddy have let me in a way pass on a piece of myself to both you and Emily. I will always think of you both as my sort of "adopted" children. Matthew....never stop showing a thirst for knowledge....you are on of the smartest little boys I have ever known. You always want to know how something does what it does and you are so good at firguring things out. Just this afternoon I was sitting with your momma and I was spelling something to her that I did not want you or emily to hear and you sat there looking at me and I could almost see your brain in motion....a sly smile came acroos your face when you realized that I spelled C A N D Y but you were so good you never "screamed" the word for Emily to hear you just leaned across the table and said Aunty"M" I think I would like some of that....lol I have to remember that you are gowing up so fast. Matthew I know that you want to grow up fast and you want to read and do all the things the "Big boys" do....just remember honey you are only young once so take the time to be a kid.

Emily"My Princess".........Oh Emily.....you are so much like your momma its so funny....You want things done your way or there is all heck to pay....The funny gaces you make always melt my heart. You are going to be such a heartbreaker some day. You are such a beautillfull girl....NEVER let anyone tell you otherwise.....You have such a style that is all your own...I remember the time you put on all your dress up clothes and said arn't I the prettiest thing? If there is anything you ever want to know about clothes...makeup.....music...you just ask your Aunty M...Boy part momma will have to handle as I have not done too well in that Dept. Emily I think there is one thing that I can tell you about boys is never let them have "power" over you.....by Power I mean any type of it be it abuse...mentally or emotionally Men/Boys do like to have that kind of control but always remember you are your own person, and they have no right to control you at all. Emily your Aunty M loves you so very much....you are growing into such a little princess try to remember as most princesses should that when things are not going your way take a step back and look and see what is going on before you open your mouth to complain.

More letter later my two....Keep reaching for the stars and follow your dreams wherever they may lead.

Friday(252-181-26)

Well at least I did finally get a good night sleep last night. Work today is going to be fun....NOT.....Just before I left to go home yesterday they found almost $4,000.00 of Jewelry in the backroom. It never got delivered to me. So now today we have to figure out how it got back there, and if it was brought it by vendors or was it placed there by Meijer team members.

I am listening to the Popes funeral Mass on the tv right now. He was such an extrodianary man. I hope our next Pope can follow in Carol Wytoyia's footsteps.

Thursday(251-180-25)

ARRGGGGG...had a long blog wrote about life last night and plans for this weekend when the blog went down....Will try to finish it later

Thursday(251-180-25)

What another great night for sleep NOT!!!! There was people outside talking till 12:30 this morning. As many times as I ask them to be quiet it seemed the louder they got. So now I am up and feeling as though I never got any sleep at all. Thank goodness that there is no practice tonight. Speaking of practice...plans have changed for this weekend. I was supposed to go to Indiania this weeked to help Nicholes celebrated his 10th birthday but....Mer is leaving on Friday and I don't think my car would make it there and back so now I am staying home, in a way this is a sort of good thing as I forgot I had to cantor this weekend and I was having a hard time trying to find a sub.

Wednesday(250-179-24)

Lovely...Once again I feel like I am coming down with another cold. I cannot stop coughing. Not a good night for sleep either. It seemed just as I fell asleep my alarm was going off to get up. Lets just be thankfull that there is no class tonight.

Tuesday(249-178-23)

"Love is certain, love is kind Love is yours and love is mine But it isn't something that we find It's something that we do It's holding tight, lettin' go It's flying high and laying low Let your strongest feelings show And your weakness, too It's a little and a lot to ask An endless and a welcome task Love isn't something that we have It's something that we do."

Lately I have been listening to that song by Clint Black alot. I takes on a whole new meaning with me. From keeping part of me with "others" and letting go of the past. Its still very hard for me to ddo this but I am trying my best.

Monday(248-177-22)

I fell asleep last night feeling pretty sad. Things I had done yesterday would not of made me a better person. I must try to stay a more positive person and not focus on all the things wrong in my life. Sometimes that is just a very hard thing to do.

Sunday(247-176-21)

It is hard to believe that he is gone. The leader of our Catholic faith has passed into the heavenly home. At work on Friday I sat glued to the tv during my break and lunch. When they mistakenly said that he had died on Friday afternoon my mind went spinning. It would of been 1 year to the day that Mark died. Friday night when I out Matthew to bed he said some prayers for the Pope. I thought that it was pretty "grown up " for a 5 year old to be concerned about something like that. I will write more later I think. Right now I need to collect my thought and get ready for Mass.

Friday(245-174-19)

Its hard to believe. One year ago today Mark died. I can not believe that its allready 1 year. It seems like just yesterday. It is amazing to see how far Shelly has come since this whole thing started. I have never seen her as happy as she is right now. She is about to be married again, and going to become a grandma of 2 little girls. I hope Hannah Jo, and Hailey Michelle, will help Jenny grow up to be the good mommy that her momma was.