Sunday(Iy-2-295-141)

Up and awake early this morning. I was thinking about going to 7:30 mass but I think I am too tired for that.

Saturday(Iy-1-294-140)

Dear P,
Well I am not leaving your name here but if you see this you will know that this letter is for you.

It is hard to believe that 1 year ago you said goodbye to me and our friendship. It has been a very hard year for me to deal with. With deaths in the family and close friends I longed to talk to you and just tell you everything that was on my mind. That's was one of the things that I loved about you is that you actually cared about how I was feeling and you helped me to see things in a better light if I was "down" about something and you also shared in my joy when I was happy.
Saying goodbye was very difficult for me. I so wanted to call you on many occasions, but I left it in Gods hands and if we are ment to be friends then it will Gods will not mine. I never wanted to force myself on you and I am very sorry if that is how you felt. Like I said I wanted a good friend that I could confide in and you came into my life and you seemed to bring me out of the depths of my despair. You showed me many new things and enlightened my life immensely. I will confess that I did call you the night one of my close friends died. I was hurt by your reaction to the call which was,in case you do not remember was hanging up on me, I forgive you for that.

So another year starts without you in my life. I still pray for you on a daily basis. I hope you find whatever it is you seem to be looking for.

Your friend, Megan

Ps. I found the lyrics to a song by Rascal Flat and everytime I hear this song I think of you...

I set out on a narrow way many years ago. Hoping I would find true love Along the broken road,But I got lost a time or two Wiped my brow and kept pushing through I couldn't see how every sign Pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream Led me to where you are . Others who broke my heart ,They were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way Into your loving arms. This much I know is true ,That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent Just passing through I'd like to have the time I lost And give it back to you. But you just smile and take my hand You've been there you understand. It's all part of a grander plan That is coming true. Every long lost dream, Led me to where you are . Others who broke my heart, They were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way Into your loving arms. This much I know is true ,That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you.

Now I’m just rolling home Into my lover's arms .This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you.

Friday(364-293-139)

Overslept this morning so I did not get a chance to ride my bike. I think I am still re-couping from this weeks medical adventure :P

Got everything done yesterday that I wanted to get done at work. I think the new cases look "UGLY" but that is the way that cooperate wanted them so I am happy to oblige.

Thursday(363-292-138)

Feeling MUCH better this morning. I still was in some pain yesterday but at least I was not vomitting any longer.
When I got home Mr Covoo kitty wanted to play....he seems like he is going to be a very active cat. Got to love those BIG blue eyes of his. Got up this morning and had enough energy to go the whole distance on the bike.
Better sign off now....another very (But Lovely) day at the Jewlery counter today.....have to finish putting up the color kits and then take all the tests for jewlery which I know I will ace. :)

Wednesday(362-291-137)

I allowed myself to sleep in this morning. When I came home from work yesterday I was in such pain from my kidney. I wound up getting very nauseous and getting sick most of the evening. I almost called in sick for this morning but I think I can handle the pain for today. Feeling a little better.

Tuesday(361-290-136)

What a day yesterday. :) Spent some of the day with Mer and kids and then came home to "rest" for a bit before going out to dinner. I thought I was just going out with Mike and Mer and the kids but was very pleasently suprised when we showed up and almost the entire family was there. The only ones who could not make it was Matt as he was in class in Chiago and Mike. We had a very nice meal. When I got home there was 2 messages on the machine.... One from Sunny my old boss who remembered it was my birthday and wanted to call and wish me a happy day and the other message was from Maureen. I so wished I had been home to get that message. I miss her terribly. She sounded very well which is something I was happy to hear in her voice.
I will have to finish more later as it getting later in the morning and I still have alot to do before going to work. (Uggg)

Ps. "Covoo" came out of hiding around midnight and MEOWED LOUDLY for what seemed to be the next 3 hours....lol now I think he went back into hiding.

Monday(360-289-135)

Well.. today is my birthday. Woke up and went and got my new cat. "Covoo" right I think is underneath my bed. I do believe he does not like his new home as of yet. He is a beautifull cat. Big piercing blue eyes and very fluffy...lot of hair...my allergies are gonna love that. I was hoping he would come out from where he was hiding before I leave again but I don't think so.

Tommorrow I have to go back to work. YUCK! I will be off untill the middle of August then I will be on vacation again.

Sunday(359-288-134)

I have been realy "mopey" all day. The weather is so hot here right now. The temp is almost 98 and the heat index says its 110. Tommorrow is the "Big day" I turn 40....no pomp or circumstance just another day. I think that is why I am down....I see all these other people who had big partied thrown for them and I get nothing....Just the thought of something being done would be nice. I can count on 1 hand who I will hear from. Mom and Dad...and Marilyn....thats will be it. I guess such is life when alot of your family members treat you like dirt. Mark will send a card if he remembers....Shelly (lets not even go there) Mike....shit I would be lucky if he passed me on a street corner and he glanced my way in some sort of acknowledgment....Marcia...might hear from her only for her to tell me how lucky I have it not to be tied down to a family etc when that is what I long for exactly. I won't hear from Matt as he is on a trip. I will talk to Marilyn but she will tell me all day how much I am making mistakes in my life etc....Just what I LOVE to hear on my birthday.
Fuck I feel so messed up right now. What I would give for a good therapist.

Saturday(358-287-133)

Spent most of the day down at Moms and Dads. The beach weather was great. Water was very warm and the sun for the most part was behind clouds so it was not so blooming hot. Drove home through a small thunderstorm in Holland. The lightening was very vivid.

Only have a few more days of vacation left. Have to go back to work on Tuesday.

Friday(357-286-132)

Not feeling very well this morning. My head is killing me and it almost feels like I am passing another Kidney stone. I would so LOVE to stay home this morning but we have alot to do at Church today.

Thursday(356-285-131

With Maureens birthday today and mine right around the corner got me thinking about the lyrics to the following song.....A lot sure can happen in a year.



Song: Seasons Of Love Lyrics

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love.

1525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died. It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Rememberthe love! Remember the love! Remember the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

Thursday(356-285-131)

Well, internet was down again last night when I cam home. Imagine that!! Its back up again now so I am taking a quick moment to do this now.

Class went fairly well yesterday. There was a ton of things to do so we kept very busy the entire time. After class we did order pizza for the kids for lunch as we were all too tired to make something....lol How lazy are we?

Today is Maureens birthday. I have not talked to her for a bit. I did leave a birthday message for her at her site. I hope and pray that she is well.

Tuesday(354-283-129)

When I got to Mers this morning she was waiting there with an apology for me. She said she felt bad about everything that had happened yesterday....that she was just extra cranky and she should of not taken it out on me. It was nice to get an apology for a change.

I had to change my comcast appointment today as #1 They said they only wanted to view it when it was down and #2 I had to work late at St Pius. To say the least I was not happy when I came home and saw that my internet was down AGAIN!!!! This time I only had to hit the reset button once and then it came back up....so we will see.

Monday(353-282-128)

Oooooo Yea me.... Marilyn was extra cranky today. I wish sometimes she would see that I am really only trying to help her out so she does not have to do too much, but instead I get bitched at. When I try to say something I get told to be quiet.....but then she wants to get all nice when I am going home.....Oh...Lets go out for your birthday dinner next week....I'm gonna have to find a babysitter so let me know ......ALl I want to say is to hell with my birthday and fuck everyone.....but no I put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is ok.....

Sunday(352-281-127)

So I am finally on vacation again. This I know is a "working" vacation and I can allready sense I am not going to be very happy. This time of year is always very sad for me and I think this year its going to be even worse. In 8 days it will be my 40th b-day....but more than that I keep thinking that if Nathan had lived at birth he would of been 10 years old. I get very depressed around my birthdays now.....It was allready 10 years but it still hurts like it was yesterday. I still remember the night before he was born and I was praying to God to have Nathan be born on the 24th not the 25th as I did not want to remember my birthday as a day that he died......I remember Mom calling at 2:30am and telling me that Nathan was born at 1:10 and lived for 40 mins and died in my sisters arms. Sheely has been through so much since then.....first the death of her infant son....and then the death of her husband last April.....Now look where she is.....Getting married and the grandmother of 2 beautifull little girls.....I really need to grasp some of that happiness she has found and hold tight too it......I don't know if I am making much sense in all this tonight....I am just so tired....I guess I will finish this later.

Friday(350-279-125)

Up and awake this morning. I went back to work last night and worked 3 hours of overtime. I got out at 11 and now I have to be back at 6....I am so beat. I did not bike this morning so I could sleep in a bit. I will try to do it this afternoon when I get home. Speaking of this afternoon I am on vacation after today so YEA ME!!!!

Thursday(349-278-124)

This week has flown by so fast. I think I have gotton more done these past 3 days than I had all of the previous 2 weeks.
I did do my biking this morning....another 6 miles I keep upping the distance each week. Yesterday when I got home I did the biking that I was too tired to do yesterday morning.

Wednesday(348-277-123)

Feeling a tad bit guilty this morning as I did not bike. I had such a hard time falling asleep last night, when my alarm went off I rolled over and reset it for another hour. Now I don;t have enough time to bike before work. If I feel up to it maybe I will do it when I get home.

Tuesday(347-276-122)

Late posting today as my internet was down all lastnight and this morning.

I got alot of work done today. I am all caught up from being on vacation last week. Now I have to stay that way till I leave again on friday.

STRANGE night for sleeping last night. I had MANY wild dreams...I cannot remember any of them :P

Monday(346-275-121)

Still have alot to do today. I want to get out as much of the new product as I can before I start vacation again Friday afternoon.

Sunday(345-274-120)

Fairly busy weekend. Yesterday went to the wedding open house for Frank and Anna. Anna looked so very happy. Her dress was GORGEOUS!!!! Even if I have to wait as long as they did to get married, if I am lucky enough to find the love that they share it will be well worth the wait.

Last night I spent the night in the tent with Matthew and Emily. Matthew was so cute collecting all the fire-flies in a jar so Emmy could see them up close. This morning we got up and played the morning away then went to Aunt Shellys for a dip in the pool which was enjoyed by everyone.

tomorrow starts me working in the new "area" . I sure hope I keep my hours. After this week I am on vacation again to teach Vacation bible school at St Pius.

Friday(343-272-118)

My thoughts this morning are with the people of London. We the people of the US know exactly the pain that they are feeling.

May God bring peace and comfort to the people of London, and the world.

Thursday(342-271-117)

All I can say this morning is that I am up and awake. Another hard night for trying to sleep.

Wednesday(341-270-116)Evening

Ok...so I had to sit down this evening to type down some of my thought of the day. I guess what I was thinking about the most was the poor girl in Aruba who is still missing. At lunch they showed on bit on the news how some of the Arubian people are demanding an apology from Natalie Holloways mom, Diane. Diane had apparent said some things at a news conference that "offended" some of the people. To the people of Aruba I say SHUT UP!!! HOW DARE YOU ASK FOR AN APOLOGY!!! This poor mother is at her wits ends trying to find her daughter. Instead of protesting and demanding an apology, why not do something more creative???? How would you feel if one of your children came to the U.S.A. and just slipped away...Poof.....Vanished.....and you were here getting the EXACT response she is getting from the Arubian law officials......YOU WOULD BE OUTRAGED also.....This mother is desperately trying to find her daughter....She is in a foreign country and the suspects are lying and keeping her from the truth about what happened to her daughter. I hope and pray that you NEVER have to feel the pain and agony that this mom is going through.

Wednesday(341-270-116)

Had a hard time trying to fall asleep last night. Thinking mainly about all the work that awaits for me today when I go back. Started thinking about Marilyn and Chris and why she was so "upset" that I would not go out to dinner with them. I thinks that she thinks that I am still angry with them, she just fails to see that I am the one who has a full time job and I just cannot put everything down and leave at 9pm to go to dinner when I have to be up by 4am.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I still hard to believe that in less then 3 weeks it will be 1 whole year since I had any real contact with him. Almost every week I think I wish I could call him just to chat. I miss having a friend like that, who listens and then does not "harp" on how good I have it, but lets in a little diffrent light on the situation at hand.
I still pray for him as that I guess that is what I need to do, for both me and him.

Tuesday(340-269-115)

Well today is my last day of vacation for a few weeks. All in all it was an ok vacation. It was nice to see the kids in Indiania again. Would of been alot nicer if we all would of went to the adventure park, instead of Chris backing out at the last min. My next vacation is ging to be a working one as I am teaching class at St Piux. My mornings will be budy till about noon but after that I have free time. :)

Sunday(338-267-113)

Seasons

Every evening sky, an invitation to trace the pattern stars.
And early in July, a celebration for freedom that is ours.
And I notice You in children's games,
in those who watch them from the shade.
Every drop of sun is full for fun and wonder.
You are summer.

And even when the trees have just surrendered to the harvest time,
forfeitingTheir leaves in late September and sending us inside,
still I notice You, when change begins and I am braced for colder winds,
I will offer thanks for what has been and what's to come.
You are autumn.

And everything in time and under heaven finally falls asleep.
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation shivers underneath.
And still I notice You when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass.
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter.
You are winter.

And every thing that new has bravely surfaced, teaching us to breathe.
And what was frozen through is newly purposed, turning all things green.
So it is with You and how You make me new with every season's change.
And so it will be as You are recreating me,Summer, autumn, winter, spring.


Right now that seems to my favorite song. It reminds me to look around at everything and find the beauty in all of Gods creation.

Friday(336-265-111)

Well right now its not that I can say that I am pissed....just "Miffed" at certain family members it seems. It all started with Chris all of a sudden saying that she could not come down for our trip to the amusement park....3rd year in a row that I have planned it 3rd year in a row that all of a sudden she can't make it. All though she seems perfectly capable to come down the day after I go back to work.....Then I am at Mers helping take care of the twins (which went great by the way). After the twins went to grandma my sister Marcia comes to me and tells me that she in Marilyn will be back in 2 hours that they are leaving. I looked at her and said "What am I babysitting Matthew and Emily now?" She said no that Mike was home(playing D and D) and he was going to watch the kids. No invite asking me if I wanted to go along with them....When I did ask Marcia jokenly said "no" which I normally would blow off but for some reasons it got my dander up. Mer said I could come along but I was choosing to stay back....I said I was staying for the reasons because of the way Marcia brought it up to me......I guess I am in a blue funk....UGGGGGG